Posted by A.J. Axline on Jun 28, 2010 (245 views, 0 comments) Rating: 3.69
Ironically enough, I am writing this on a tablet. But, enough about my shiny new iPad...
Okay, here are the ten they didn't tell you about in tech class:
Don't eat Caesar salad right before a service call. Yeah, I'm talking to you, anchovy breath. No amount of Halo peppermints is going to cut through the miasma of garlic stench you'll generate while looking over somebody's shoulder at their recurring error message.
It's not the volts that kill you--it's the amps. Electricity is not your friend. It doesn't listen to pleas for mercy; it doesn't feel pity. Electricity is an angry god, and it demands occasional sacrifices, just like Oprah Winfrey. Don't let yourself become a charred sacrificial lamb just because you were too lazy or self-conscious to unplug a cord.
The amount of time that should be spent trying to fix a printer rather than simply replacing it outright, is directly related to the proximity of the printer to the CEO's office. Every second that the boss (or, more accurately, their personal assistant) is unable to print off their kid's baseball camp schedule, is going to come out of you in blood later.
Saying, "It looks like you have a really bad infection," is going to hurt your chances with the new girl in Accounting.
If your client has doughnuts on their desk, take one without being offered one first. Show them who the Alpha male really is.
Don't pull on that. You never know what it might be attached to.
If you are asked, "How did you fix that?" the correct response is always, ALWAYS to cock your right hand like a pistol, fire it at the questioner, give them a wink, and whisper, "Magic."
When your elderly parents ask you for tech support, you probably owe it to them to comply. However, this service does not, and should not, prevent you from mocking them relentlessly by saying things like, "I've actually taught a dog how to use a scanner faster than it's taking you," and "You won't have Internet access in the nursing home, so showing you how to use Gmail is a complete waste of my time."
You can shave a certain amount of time from your service calls if you go ahead and get IS IT PLUGGED IN? tattooed on your forehead.
